Conversations with a 5 year old About Marriage

The other morning C turned to me and announced, “I think I’m going to marry T.”

My immediate reaction was, “Why do you want to marry T?”

“Because he’s silly. And he has a round head.”

Ahh… I see. In previous conversations with my 5 year old munchkin, she had stated that she wants to marry someone like her Baba. Someone with the important characteristics of:

#1 – A silly nature

#2 – A round head (If you haven’t noticed by now, C has an affinity for circular things, heads included.)

She then proceeded to ask, “Who else do you think I can marry?”

With raised eyebrows, I replied, “But you know you can only marry one person.”

“I know!” she answered matter-of-factly.

Obviously, she’s still thinking about the matter. 🙂

As C ponders about her future hubby, I thought I’d come up with three points for her (and E) to consider about marriage (some 15-20 years from now of course). These are things I wish I had known when I was 5. 😉

1. Understand yourself. Know what your personality is like, particularly the traits that could drive your future spouse bananas. This includes being passive-aggressive when upset (ahem, maybe me) or messy/forgetful much of the time (ahem, definitely not me). 😛 Be willing to accept input from family and friends who know you well and have your best interests at heart, and focus on growing and changing to be the most loving version of yourself. Be happy and whole as an individual, try new things, have fun, and live the life God has given you to the fullest.

2. Understand relationships. Don’t base your ideas and expectations of a relationship off of Hollywood movies or romance books, even the one your mama wrote (insert shameless plug for my book here). 😉 Know that people are complicated and messy on their own, and mixing two people’s complications and messiness together only equals more complications and messiness. Strengthen your communication skills in the areas of listening, resolving conflict and negotiation because these skills will help you thrive in all kinds of relationships.

3. Understand your significant other. When you do spot someone (on the playground, in a classroom, at the cafe, across a crowded room, etc.), who sparks your interest, get to know the person better. Preferably in different situations and over the course of a looong time. Baba recommends observing the person’s competitive spirit, so please invite that person over for a game of mahjong Mario Kart sometime. Lastly, but most importantly, ask for God’s, your family’s and friends’ input about the person and listen with both your ears and your heart.

Then … when you think you’re ready for a relationship (with all of its beautiful and adventurous ups and downs) and have found a person whom you adore and adores you back, break the news to Baba and me gently (sniff, sniff!), so we can accept the fact that our little munchkins won’t stay little forever.

In the meantime, I’ll be keeping an eye on Mr. T. 🙂

Take a listen to this fun song about love, “Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows (subtitled in Spanish for some reason).

What great love/marriage advice have you received? What relationship advice would you give to your friends, siblings or kids?

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